The discomfort others feel in the face of such profound loss is understandable. No one wants to be the one who reminds us of our pain, as if mentioning it might somehow make it worse. The truth, though, is that these events are always with us. We don’t forget, and there’s no need to worry about reminding us, we know. By avoiding the subject entirely, or worse, pretending everything is normal, we feel isolated and alone. The well-meaning silence creates a chasm between us and those around us, leaving us stranded on an island of grief with no bridge back to the world we once knew.

In Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant’s book, Option B, Sandberg addresses this issue, urging people to “kick the elephant out of the room.” She talks about the importance of acknowledging the pain and loss someone is experiencing, rather than tiptoeing around it. One of the most powerful ways to do this is through simple, direct questions like “How are you, today?” rather than the common platitudes that often pass for greetings. This small shift invites true connection and opens the door for honest conversation. It offers a lifeline to those who are drowning in silence.

The reality is that when others avoid discussing our loss or trauma, it places the burden on us to bring it up, which is a heavy weight to carry. We are often hesitant to initiate these conversations because we don’t want to seem like we’re dumping our pain on others. It’s a difficult balance—wanting to be seen and heard, but not wanting to be a source of discomfort for others. Yet, without these conversations, the isolation only deepens.

If you want to support someone who is grieving or going through a difficult time, one of the most meaningful things you can do is simply to acknowledge their experience. This doesn’t mean you need the perfect words or even a deep understanding of what they’re going through. It means showing up, being present, and allowing space for them to share if they wish to. A simple “I’ve been thinking about you” or “I’m here if you want to talk” can be incredibly powerful. It lets us know that we’re not alone, that our pain is seen, and that it matters.

It’s important to recognize that everyone grieves and processes trauma differently. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, but creating an environment where someone feels comfortable sharing their truth is a step in the right direction. By inviting us to speak, by acknowledging what we are going through, you help lift the weight of loneliness that so often accompanies loss.

It’s not about saying the perfect thing or avoiding the wrong thing; it’s about not letting silence be the only response. By breaking the silence, you provide a lifeline to those navigating the turbulent waters of grief and trauma. It’s a simple act, but one that can make all the difference in the world.

~ Michelle Budiwski

August 31, 2024

Source: https://adamgrant.net/book/option-b/